Sample Stories from Under The Hammer, A collection of real estate agents stories

No way out

The auctioneer was in full flight, the crowd large, attentive and keen.  The property was a vacant single-fronted un-renovated Victorian house in an inner suburb, always a popular choice.

The executor was interstate and needed to be consulted by phone.  The auctioneer and his assistant raced inside to phone through the highest bid.  “Yes sell” said the vendor.

They went to the front door, but it was locked - deadlocked!

They then raced to the back door – oops – a six-foot high corrugated fence faced them.  Agitated looks flew between them.

What about the front window…….. maybe……..just maybe…….unlocked.  YES!!!!

They climbed out of the window into the tiny front garden with their silk ties swinging and their Zegna suits dancing to the rousing applause of the crowd.

The property was sold.

The mechanic

Experienced auctioneers have had to contend with many noisy distractions such as lawn mowers or chain saws starting up just at the beginning of the auction.  Usually as a ‘payback to the vendor’ by some aggrieved feuding neighbour.

Fifteen minutes before the start of an executors auction, the next door neighbour started his car.  A restored US Ford Customline proceeded to rev, and rev and rev the engine.  The noise was thunderous!

With the buyers concerned, the principal of the agency went next door, and armed with a smile, charm and ‘full of admiration for the car’, asked if the young home mechanic could hold off on his work for about twenty minutes.

“No worries mate!  Not a problem.”  He switched off the engine and all was quiet.

The auction started and just as the auction bidding was about to start up, so did the Customline, revving at full capacity as if it was ‘going down the straight’!

When asked to stop:  “Can’t mate.  Times up.  Already gave you the twenty minutes you asked for!” came the reply.

Some buyers were put off and the auctioneer did his best, eventually selling the property.

When filling in the Contract, the buyer gave his name and address as….. you guessed it!  The same as ‘the mechanic’ from next door!

Dead on arrival

The agents arrived for the market appraisal and parked in the driveway of the country property. 

They were greeted by a middle-aged man who said: “It’s not convenient to do the appraisal right now as Dad has just died.”

He then continued:  “Can you give me a hand picking Dad up off the floor and putting him into his favourite armchair until the funeral director and doctor arrive?”

Michael Buckley

A brief case

One evening some years ago, I called in to see a client in an inner suburb.  When I returned to my car I was disappointed to see that it had been broken into.  My brief case with my diary and all those key papers inside had disappeared along with other valuable items.

The next morning I received a phone call from a gentleman saying that he and his wife had found my briefcase on the front lawn of their apartment block.

On the way to pick it up and feeling very relieved, I purchased an expensive box of chocolates and some flowers.  When I arrived they really appreciated the gifts and so we sat down and had a cup of tea together.

They mentioned that it was very opportune that I was there with them because they were considering selling.

They decided to give their property to me for sale.  Not just their apartment, but the whole block of twelve flats.  They lived in the front one and collected the rent themselves.

John Piccolo